Is Shawn Chacon Gonna Have to Choke a Bitch???

According to The Sporting News, Houston Astros pitcher Shawn Chacon has been indefinitely suspended for choking Astros General Manager Ed Wade and throwing him to the ground following an argument. Let me send a message to you Mr. Chacon, and I’m pretty sure I speak for Phillies fans everywhere when I say this - THANK YOU.

Ed Wade was the General Manager of the Phillies from 1998-2005 and some of the legendary moves pulled off during this wee little man’s tenure include:

1.) Drafting J.D. Drew with the #2 overall pick in the 1997 MLB Draft even though the Phillies knew he would not sign for MLB’s recommended slot money (about 2.3 million). Scott Boras, J.D. Drew’s agent, lowered his bonus demands from 10 million to 5 million in the last hour (just before the 1998 June Draft), but Ed Wade would not budge from his brand-new imaginary throne and the Phillies lost out on a tremendous (albeit injury-prone) player. Sorry Phillies fans, this was NOT J.D. Drew’s fault. Ed Wade tried to push J.D. Drew in a corner and Drew pushed back.

2.) Trading Curt Schilling to the Arizona Diamondbacks in mid-2000 for the pooh-pooh platter of Vicente Padilla, Travis Lee and Omar Daal. Although Padilla turned out to be a serviceable starter, Lee couldn’t hit at all, Daal was a bust and Schilling only finished his career with a 111-57 record and three World Series rings. Hey, you think the Phillies would have still barley missed out on the playoffs in 2001, 2003, 2004 and 2005 if they had Schilling anchoring the rotation? I didn’t think so either.

3.) Firing Terry Francona for Larry Bowa in 2000. Not only did “Tito” go on to lead the Boston Red Sox to two World Series Championships, but Bowa was an emotional disaster, so much so that this move directly led to Scott Rolen refusing to resign with the Phillies. Rolen was an ELITE player back then and he would go on to help St. Louis capture two National League Pennants and the 2006 World Series championship.

These are just a few of the many brilliant decisions orchestrated by Ed Wade as the wizard behind the Phillies curtain. I shudder to think how the Phillies would have done in the first half of this decade, when they perennially missed the playoffs by 1-5 games per season, if they had Scott Rolen, Curt Schilling and J.D. Drew on those teams. Now that I think about it, fuck you Shawn Chacon. Fuck you for getting to Ed Wade first.